So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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