i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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