What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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