but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
