so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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