guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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