When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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