Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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