my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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