one two three fourrrrnication!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
they need to just BURY HIM!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
