So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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