i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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