What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
