You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
