i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
