I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize