Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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