even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
