Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
