genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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