I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Come see our sink grown plant.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
