i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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