I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Even my vagina gasped.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
