he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
