I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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