im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
