I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
