I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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