don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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