True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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