I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
