So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
