Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
