you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
