did you get engaged???
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
