That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I want to fling myself into the sun
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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