so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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