4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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