So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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