thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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