I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
