my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
