I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
