did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
