Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
