sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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