I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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