I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
