I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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