The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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