Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
