Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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