at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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