Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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