just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
