I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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