I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
