Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
