I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize