This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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