i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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