you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize