he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
