We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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