Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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