Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
