She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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