My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
