also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
