u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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