just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
