when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
