Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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