I am in a vortex of obligation.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There are leaves in my underwear?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
