Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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