I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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