He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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