first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Please don't give away my fajitas
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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