Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
