Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
