There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
