I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
