Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I need to align my fucking chakras
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
