toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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