At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Will you blow on my dice?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
