look no pants
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
