Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
