Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
