I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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