my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
