we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
