It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
