Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
