I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
