she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
