I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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