Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
