I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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