That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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