My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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