Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
