he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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