then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize