I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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