I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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