if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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