I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
