Just mADE A PArabola og urine
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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