maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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