I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
