Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
