I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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