what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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