Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
