Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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